LIFE STYLE

What every woman needs to know about married men who cheat

I’ve written about my experience as “the mistress.” It was a much-read post that unleashed both an outpouring of emotional stories and unbridled fury against me.

There’s not one part of me that condones cheating. Before my experience sleeping with a married man, I was the type to utterly condemn people who had affairs. I had zero sympathy for people like that. And then — it happened to me.

Long story short — the affair was full of heartbreak, chaos, and abuse. I was 100% responsible for my own actions and I’ve come out of the experience with new wisdom.

With this wisdom, I want to continue talking about this subject because it’s become clear to me that many kind, intelligent, women have also found themselves embroiled in affairs.

It’s not always about the evil vixen who only has intentions of stealing a married man. Often times, it’s a sensible, functional woman who slips and falls for a person who is incredibly experienced in manipulation and deception.

There are subtle, insidious ways in which a married man who cheats on a regular basis can seduce a smart woman.

In the beginning, these guys are often friendly, charming, and non-threatening. They might start out making idle conversation and some of them will openly discuss their wives and family seemingly with the pride of a happily married man. Generally, whether you’re a single woman or a woman in a relationship, you won’t think too much of this kind of casual chit-chat.

Quite often, this kind of interaction happens in the workplace (which is where it happened with me) but it can also happen in other settings.

Typically, most married men who are serial cheaters begin to groom their intended target by showering them with compliments, acting as a shoulder to lean on, or even going so far as to bring them gifts. Eventually, they’ll find a way to get your phone number, stalk you online, or find some other means to communicate with you on a regular basis.

Most of the time, it’s not important to this kind of guy if the woman is married, in a relationship, or single. There are, however, married men who are looking to aggressively control just one woman as their mistress and will choose a single woman so they can isolate her more easily from family and friends.

The character I became involved with was a serial cheater. I was single and recovering from my divorce at the time. I didn’t find out about his many dalliances until we started talking more. He was very open about it after several conversations. I would even go so far as to say he normalized his behavior as if it was what everyone did.

The main kicker is when this type of man begins to confide in you about how miserable they supposedly are within their marriage. They’ll start to gripe about their spouse in such a way that leads you to believe they are headed for a separation or divorce. They may also complain about their sex like — or lack of — in most cases.

Many men will express a decline in attraction to their spouse, insinuating they’re deprived sexually in some way.

One of the most common tactics a married man who cheats will use is to lie about their current living situation. The most common lie is that they’re sleeping in separate beds or on the couch because they need to stay in the home for some reason. Usually it’s, “for the kids.”

They may also go as far as to say divorce papers are close to being signed (as in my case). Most of the time, this is not the case, and usually they are still sleeping in the same bed with their spouse and are sexually active with them.

Unfortunately, for a lot of women, once they have sex with someone — even if it’s with someone who’s married — they may start falling in love and believe pretty much any lie they’re told. Believe me — I know.

The person I became involved with was a controlling, jealous, manipulative cheater. Though he had engaged in multiple affairs, he didn’t want me to see anyone else outside of our relationship. It sounds insane, but so many women find themselves in this trap.

Finding yourself in a seriously complicated and stressful relationship with no easy way to extract yourself is not a healthy place to be. Affairs can flip from passion to anxiety very quickly. It’s almost never worth it.

The carnage of an affair can last a lifetime. For the most part, married men who are regular cheaters never have intentions to leave their wives. Essentially they want it all — at everyone else’s expense.

I can’t change what happened in my past but hopefully, what I’ve learned from my experiences can help someone who’s in this kind of situation right now.

Tips to a better fulfilling sex life

Trying different sex positions will spice marriage or relationship

Whether the problem is big or small, there are many things you can do to get your sex life back on track.

Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health. Communicating with your partner, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, availing yourself of some of the many excellent self-help materials on the market, and just having fun can help you weather tough times.

1. Talking to your partner

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond.

2. Avoid criticizing

Couch suggestions in positive terms, such as, “I really love it when you touch my hair lightly that way,” rather than focusing on the negatives. Approach a sexual issue as a problem to be solved together rather than an exercise in assigning blame.

3. Maintain physical affection

Even if you’re tired, tense, or upset about the problem, engaging in kissing and cuddling is essential for maintaining an emotional and physical bond.

4. Try different positions

Developing a repertoire of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help overcome problems. For example, the increased stimulation to the G-spot that occurs when a man enters his partner from behind can help the woman reach orgasm.

5. Write down your fantasies

This exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner. This is especially helpful for people with low desire.

6. Try to relax

Do something soothing together before having sex, such as playing a game or going out for a nice dinner. Or try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises.

7. Don’t give up

If none of your efforts seem to work, don’t give up hope. Your doctor can often determine the cause of your sexual problem and may be able to identify effective treatments. He or she can also put you in touch with a sex therapist who can help you explore issues that may be standing in the way of a fulfilling sex life.